Clinton, South Carolina, Tuesday, June 4, 2019, 11:07 a.m.

I am, under normal circumstances, annoyingly punctual, a legacy of my grandmother and my football coach. Most of my acquaintances are fashionably late. Many are the times I get antsy, complete my work in a hurry and go somewhere 45 minutes early.

It makes me frantic to be on time. Any time I drive somewhere, I factor in the possibility of a flat tire.

I was running at the back of the pack on empty all day Monday.

In the morning, more than the usual amount of news releases arrived to edit and prepare. “Monday, Monday,” as the Mamas and the Papas used to sing. I hoped to get up to Steamers for the debut of the new hamburger menu – this will explain why it was big news in Clinton – by 11, maybe 11:30, to beat what I knew would be the crowd. I got there in the middle of the rush, so much so that parking spaces were scarce. Lots of Clintonians, and a few Clintonians now living a half hour away, were anxious to enjoy again the wondrous burgers they hadn’t had in 20 years.

Me, too.

It was after one when I left for Ford Elementary School in Laurens, there to enjoy the motivational advice of an ex-Clemson football player, the Tiger mascot and a fan apparently well known as “The Hat” because he goes everywhere wearing a big, orange one, festooned with mementos of Tiger greatness.

Fortunately, the speakers were later than I.

I got back home at about 3:15, whereupon I tried and failed to write the two stories, edit the day’s obituaries and compile the list of the latest arrests that my job at GoLaurens/GoClinton requires.

Clinton City Council meetings have turned raucous and snide lately, which have turned them into spectator events. I’ve been to December Presbyterian College basketball games attended by fewer.

It was 10 minutes till the 6 o’clock puck drop at the M.S. Bailey Municipal Center, and I had to park about a quarter mile away. People were backed out into the hall, and a policeman told me no one else would be allowed in. I told him I had to write a story about it for GoLaurens, and apparently he had heard of it. He didn’t say okay, but he didn’t stop me.

In front of an audience expecting several technical knockouts, the meeting turned civil, which is uncommon in our time. I didn’t even see anyone live-tweeting. With the exception of a few hoots of derision – Hah! Yeah, right. Amen! You said it. Damn straight. – that were mostly suppressed and under the breath, I witnessed that rarity: a constructive meeting.

It took me a long time to write it. I didn’t get the first two stories written until I went to bed at about 1:30. This morning I plugged in the stories on cheeseburgers and Tigers, having prepared the photos on Monday, sipped coffee and got around to fixing breakfast a little after 10.

Tomorrow night there’s a high school graduation . Yee-haw.

 

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Lightning in a Bottle is now available in an audio version, narrated by Jay Harper.