Clinton, South Carolina, Sunday, March 15, 2020, 1:24 p.m.

Two weeks ago, I sent an email to every official I could think of around the county, asking what provisions were being made for the impending coronavirus spread. The great majority did not dignify my request with a reply. A few answered constructively. About the same number replied satirically.

Early last week, I went to a couple ballgames, and people looked at me as if I were daft – a lovely British term – when I mildly allowed as how I was worried. On Facebook, it seemed to be the territory of the snowflakes. One man demanded that I not post such foolishness on his Facebook page, which I suppose meant that he wanted no dissent to his mock outrage. He has continued to post bile on mine, but, then again, I made no such demands in return because I believe people have the right to their opinions, however inane.

By week’s end, most ballgames had been canceled or postponed, many meetings and services had been canceled, and I expect tomorrow will bring many more.

Now opinions have changed, I suspect, because some have gotten permission from their role model, President Twitter, who takes credit for everything and blame for nothing. They will all deny this and, in some cases, say they never even watch Fox News regardless of whether or not it has been alleged. Have no fear. News-Free TV is undoubtedly gearing up for an all-out investigation of a war on Easter.

I hope I’m wrong. I pray I’m wrong. If so, I will acknowledge it joyously, but, for now, what say let’s hope I’m wrong but prepare for if I’m right? I’ve tried to study this matter by reading the opinions of, oh, experts.

At least two have used confusion in the difference in percent and percentage to their advantage, thus claiming that the common cold is more dangerous than COVID-19.

There’s no practical usefulness in the homily “better safe than sorry,” because in the Age of Social Media, few are ever sorry about anything. They’re mad as hell about any perceived disrespect of their prince but not at all sorry at their past disrespect of other princes, princesses, candidates, and presidents.

My God. You’d think President Twitter was a football coach or somebody else important.

I plead guilty to both satire and sarcasm. This will not placate the humorless.

Thus I will feign amusement as they rail against any dissent, particularly against those more prominent than I, because they don’t think any actor, comedian, ballplayer, boxer, bullrider, or pundit has any right to an opinion other than their own.

Apparently their own opinions are a matter of unassailable, divine guidance. They never eat words. They just get mad because, deep down, in the part of their souls where slanders are stored, they have occasionally been wrong. One is our esteemed Governor, Henry Dargan McMaster, who is apparently about to close all the schools.

One man’s snowflake is another’s boiling water.

 

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