By MONTE DUTTON

On Saturday in the heat of the day, on one end of the K.C. Hanna turf, the Laurens Raiders got their chance to smile for the camera.

Few took advantage.

Football players prefer to look tough, as if they were imitating Ray Nitschke. No one smiles like Joe Namath.

It’s as if they think the other team is sitting in its locker room, leafing through the game program and shuddering in its sense of impending doom.

Uh-uh-uh, those guys look mean!

Oh, no!

Coach, do we have to play?

It’s the Old West. No matter how mean you can look, there’s somebody out there who can look meaner.

Players smile a lot when their photos are not being shot. They laugh and play simple pranks on one another. Then they climb the risers and frown for the camera, staring it down.

As Harry Caray used to ask, “Who does he think he’s foolin’?”

Kids say they love the game. One reason kids love the game is that girls love kids who play the game. Kids may not realize it. They may rationalize. They may not even notice. It’s true.

If anyone their age could think straight, he’d wear his most alluring smile. Maybe a crooked grin, like Elvis. Just let me be (oh, let him be) yoouuurrrr teddy bearrrr.

My suspicion is Namath had more girlfriends than Larry Grantham.

Cheerleaders know how to pose for pictures. It works, too.

The hottest place I’ve ever been was the Talladega garage back in the 1990s when the latter race there was this time of year. I figured out one toasty afternoon that I could stop perspiring if I stood completely still, but if I wiggled my pinky finger, I’d start again.

It wasn’t that hot at Laurens District 55.

I’ve driven through Death Valley, but it was in an air-conditioned rental car. I’ve been at races where the temperature was hotter in Phoenix and Las Vegas. Every time someone out there would say it’s 105, “but it’s a dry heat,” I’d say, “Back home, it’s 95 but it’s a wet heat.”

Also, I’ve visited Columbia on occasion. When I was a kid, every time I drove there, my car overheated.

Where was I? Oh, yeah.

Clinton had its opening scrimmage rained out. Laurens was scheduled to travel to Greenville, but the J.L. Mann coach said his field was washed out. Daryl Smith said he didn’t know what else the weather was going to do, but he thought they could play on the Raider practice field. The Patriots bused down, and they played. Mann got the best of it, but there weren’t any referees to arbitrate the affair. In short, I reckon it was so-so, which was the hand motion an assistant coach made when I asked about it.

Realizing that someone somewhere is going to find this insensitive, the Red Sox’ shortstop is Yu Chang (Taiwan), and the catcher is Connor Wong (Chinese-American from Texas). It occurred to me that Chinese names sound like drum rolls. Dim wu chang! Forgive me. Undoubtedly many names are atonal. Some are likely melodic.

The Dodgers have a center fielder who retired all three outs in an inning. His name is Outman.

Every fan wants his team to win, but it just isn’t mathematically possible. Also, as a general rule, the other team tries.

If you’re interested in advertising on this site – it’s close to sold out, but I can squeeze in a couple more – contact me at hutdut@outlook.com.

Contributions (you may mail a check of any amount to DHK Sports, P.O. Box 768, Clinton, S.C. 29325 or make a monthly donation via Patreon) are listed on the Donors page of this site.

Support local music by participating in the Open Mic I’m hosting at Fiesta Grande (see the ad) on Wednesday, Aug. 9, at 7 p.m. Bring your instrument and friends to cheer you on. Sign up by 6:45.

And … take a look at my books at MonteDutton.net.