By MONTE DUTTON

I would love nothing better than to see all the teams about which I care win big, but I am getting a mite frantic.

Thus far, I have not been present at a single close football game:

Clinton: 42-7, 49-7, 63-6.

Laurens: 9-55, 7-42.

Furman: 45-10, 21-47.

Presbyterian: 48-17.

The closest point spread I’ve watched is 26 points (Furman-South Carolina on Saturday).

Close games have occurred. Laurens Academy won a barn burner last Friday night. I wasn’t there.

On the bright side, I am growing more and more adept at writing cleverly about mismatches. I sprinkle my gamers with song lyrics, poetry, historical allusions, metaphors and similes, and various and sundry other literary devices.

These are intermingled with on-the-field interviews featuring insightful remarks, such as, We just play ‘em one game at a time, we gon’ be fine.

I’m yearning for a dramatic tale that tells itself. As Donny Wilder used to say, “Just add water.”

This is the week it is likely to get tighter. Clinton (4-0) faces a daunting test at home versus Chapman (3-1). Laurens (0-4) travels to Union County (0-4), which the Raiders defeated for their first victory of 2022.

Furman (1-1) is playing at Kennesaw State (0-2), which lived large in the Big South before getting those FBS delusions and trotting down the yellow brick road. I can’t get to Kennesaw, Ga., after staying up all night on the Laurens County high schools, but I have visited the battlefield there. I often made time for culture during the NASCAR years.

Presbyterian (1-1) plays its final non-scholarship /versus /scholarship game at Wofford (0-2). The Blue Hose take the following weekend off before opening the Pioneer Football League schedule on Sept. 30 at Butler (Ind.).

Fairy tales can come true / It can happen to you / If you’re young at heart …

Wilder Stadium is a rocking place, and with a stream of Inmanites driving down in hopes of seeing the Panthers atone for two losses to the Red Devils last year, the stands on both sides should be at near capacity. A stream of Clinton luminaries are to attend on account of this is the centerpiece of the Red Devils’ 100^th anniversary as a full-time, football-playing entity.

I’m excited. Double excited. I expect to walk out on the field without a need to record something digitally. I might pretend I’m somebody.

I have watched replays of games that were on TV last weekend while I was on the premises of two others. Mainly, I’ve had them on while I was working on something like this. For instance, last night I watched Texas-Alabama. I’ve been humming “Texas, Fight!” all morning.

I watched Wake Forest’s victory over Vanderbilt, and I’m usually going to watch Vandy just to keep tabs on Laurens’ Jayden McGowan. He reminds me of a water skeeter, skating around on the surface of a pond. He caught a 50-yard pass but was largely frustrated, along with his teammates.

The Wake Forest “slow mesh” fascinates me. The quarterback and runner stand still for about a second before revealing which is going to take the ball. Somehow, the line consistently prevents defensive penetration. The Deacs don’t run it as much as they used to, but it generally works.

Everything changed on the fourth play of the Buffalo Bills-New York Jets game. No one’s going to remember that the Jets actually won on a punt return in overtime. The season-ending ruptured Achilles tendon suffered by Aaron Rodgers had the ripple effects of a tsunami. There was a little delay.

Aw, he probably just twisted his ankle. … He’s not limping that badly. … Uh, oh, he’s going in the tent. … Sheesh, they’re pulling up a cart. … Great Caesar’s ghost!

No reason exists for a Curse of Broadway Joe. Nothing ever happened, except to his knees, that would cause Namath to invoke a curse.

This is the time of year when no one is as strong or as weak as it looks. The stern stuff lies ahead.

My Instagram photo collections can be found at @laurenscountysports.

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