By MONTE DUTTON

Were I a prognosticator of the sports-radio airwaves – one of those outspoken men and brassy women who tell me all about how they’re betting – I might predict a bad season for the Furman Paladins.

They look at the simple math, and say, Ah, hah! These guys lost everybody!

Then again, were I such a creature, I wouldn’t care about Furman, and I have no business betting for or against the Paladins because my heart intrudes on my judgment, which isn’t all that great, anyway.

I would be preoccupied with semiprofessionals gobbling up the football landscape and devouring the less monied of their peers.

Furman is Camelot. Camelot!

No one knows more about a team than the coaches who watch it every day. They think they’re going to be all right, and that’s all right with me.

Football is the most sociological of sports. This first occurred to me while taking a sociology class at Furman. It’s group dynamics.

I’ve been to innumerable bowls, championships and tournaments, every NASCAR race that matters and the National Finals Rodeo. I’ve met Jimmy Carter twice, 35 years apart, and sat next to John Prine on a commuter flight.

When I watch the Paladins, there’s no place I’d rather be.

One thing they never stop being is ours.

I have long been a uniphile. I made this word up, personally defining it as a lover of uniforms.

Furman unveiled two new “secondary” helmets, meaning that, most of the time, they are still going to wear the white helmets with Diamond Fs on both sides. I would picket if they didn’t.

This season brings a new purple and a new black. All the helmets are to carry a decal to commemorate the death of defensive lineman Bryce Stanfield early this year. To paraphrase Abraham Lincoln, this is altogether fitting and proper.

The white helmet sporting a purple face mask, purple and white striping, and purple Diamond F on the sides, returns as the primary helmet.
Joining it is a black helmet with a purple face mask and purple and white striping. In addition, it will feature a Diamond F on one side and new “Dins” scripted on the side opposite.
The third helmet is a purple lid sporting a white face mask, white striping, and a gray Diamond F on the sides.

All three helmets feature a “Stanfield Strong” decal on the back, as well as SoCon and American flag decals.
Furman, ranked No. 9 and 12 in a pair of preseason FCS polls, kicks off its season on Aug. 31 against Ole Miss.
The reigning SoCon champion Paladins are coming off a 10-3 campaign a year ago that included an FCS third-round playoff appearance.

Click here to see all the helmets.

Furman fell, 5-1, on Sunday to both No. 21 South Carolina and Katie Shea Collins.

Collins performed a hat trick in the first 30 minutes of the match, and the Gamecocks scored four times in the first half en route to a 5-1 victory over the Paladins in Columbia.

Collins put the Gamecocks in front just 34 seconds into the match before Furman’s Sarah Sexton, a freshman from Fort Mill, answered with her first collegiate goal at the 19:19 mark.

South Carolina regained the advantage less than two minutes later, courtesy of Collins’ second score off an assist from Catherine Barry. The Gamecocks doubled their lead as Barry netted a goal of her own in the 27^th minute, and Collins increased the South Carolina cushion to 4-1 just 38 seconds later.

Kylie Cino capped the scoring for South Carolina with a goal in the 83^rd minute off an assist from Emily Chico.

Furman (1-1) opens its home schedule on Thursday versus Presbyterian at 6 p.m. The match is to be followed by the men’s soccer team hosting UNC Wilmington in its regular-season opener at 8.

Kickoff time for Furman’s home match versus Davidson on Sunday, Aug. 25, has moved to 1:30 p.m. at Stone Soccer Stadium.

What tension the leadup to football season brings? Who’s starting? Who’s hurt? What uniform combination are they going to wear?

Oh, for the leisurely times when fans could rely on the satirical observations of The Piedmont Picker and Leonard Post Toasties.

Don’t worry. Be happy.

I just got my first direct contribution in a while, and the ads are almost paid up.

As Merle Haggard sang, “If we can make it through December, everything’s gonna be all right, I know.”

Advertising alone will not keep me going, but there’s room for a few more. Every ad is inset in every story.

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Thanks for putting up with me.