By MONTE DUTTON

I can’t write well enough for people to read me anymore.

It’s a common problem for those of my age.

Maybe I’ll become a pharmaceutical namer.

I could start with familiar adaptations. Paladinofed. Redevilac. Redsoxanyl.

Many people don’t think it’s the World Series unless it’s the Dodgers versus the Yankees. It’s one of many popular groups I’m not in.

I don’t like either team, but I despise the Yankees. Too many times in my life, I’ve rooted for the Dodgers because it’s “a Hobson’s choice.” Another example is taking a crummy room because it’s the only alternative to sleeping on the street. Hobson ran a stable, but that’s not important.

Enough of this pessimism. The Laurens County Touchdown Club met Thursday, and the speaker was my favorite Terrier, Mike Ayers. I can’t think of many I like.

Ayers, who for 30 years mostly terrorized Paladins and Blue Hose at Wofford College, does not require amplification. If he did, his annual Touchdown Club appearance would rival a rock concert in decibels. It’s easy to imagine an Ayers locker-room speech. He gives it to Touchdown Club audiences.

I was so inspired I went out and immediately filled up my truck with gas. Ayers left me gassed up, so I figured the Colorado deserved the same courtesy.

Teams play on Mike Ayers Field at Gibbs Stadium. Wofford erected a statue. In most cases, statues look like their subjects. Ayers looks like a statue. He’s a cross between Mike Ditka and Vince Lombardi.

Ayers brought up Laurens Academy’s Garrison Vaughan and cast him in the role of the bear, Victor, Ayers once wrestled at the urging of his brothers. As President Biden might say, “True story. I’m not joking.”

He coached the Terriers and wrestled a bear, but Ayers the retired football coach is a lion in winter. He reminisced about the dazzling quarterback, Shawn Graves, who helped him turn the Terriers around in the early years. I wrote about some of those games. Graves was as exciting to watch as a space-shuttle launch.

Ayers grew up tough as a boy named Sue, made his share of mistakes, served in the Marines, spent some time as the best garbageman in his hometown and wandered into being a legendary coach.

He visits the Touchdown Club every fall, and even though I could almost lip-synch some of the stories, I could never deliver them. Ayers never gets old.

While hardly as inconvenienced as everyone else by Helene hell, the Touchdown Club did have to play catch-up in its Player of the Week awards, handed out by Buddy Bridges, agent representing sponsoring Farm Bureau Insurance and effusive master of ceremonies.

From three weeks back to the present, ordered thusly, the recipients were Vaughan of Laurens Academy, Logan Martin of Laurens High and Tushawan Richardson of Clinton High.

Such matters as playoff rankings can be decided by the narrowest of margins.

By winning the No. 1 doubles match against Fountain Inn, Laurens (4-7, 2-4) sealed third place in Region 1-4A.

Don’t ask me how. I’m guessing it’s because Fountain Inn won one match, 4-3, and Laurens won the other, on Wednesday, 5-2.

The Raiders won the match in Fountain Inn, 5-2, the singles wins going to Sara Beth Field (No. 1), Ella Sanders (2), Sarah Katherine Starling (3) and Ashlyn Messer (4).

The Raiders played a home doubleheader versus Emerald on Thursday.

Wellpilgrim.com is trying its best – translation: I’m trying – to describe the highs and lows and avoid the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. Highs and lows are inevitable because all the games have a loser and a winner, and whe Wellpilgrim.com is trying its best – translation: I’m trying – describe the highs and lows and avoid the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. Highs and lows are inevitable because all the games have a loser and a winner, and when it’s done, they are the same number.

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Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell is a novel that seems right at home in the politics of our time. Download it for your device, or order it in paperback.

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Thanks for putting up with me.