At this stage of life, one considers strictly important matters. One questions matters he has blithely accepted for decades. For instance, the word “like” is often used to mean “lack,” as in the great line from Roger Miller’s “Dang Me”: “I like fourteen dollars having twenty-seven cents.” One thinks, why is it “like”? And, then, …
Category: Humor
My Fingers Are Faster
This sharp little number has speeded me up. It’s a transformer, capable of serving both my laptop and tablet needs. I don’t fully understand my tablet needs. I’ve had a laptop. I’ve had an iPhone. Now I’ve got the capability of existing in between. Middle Earth, maybe. What could be finer than to be in …
Chasing Chickens
My nephew started raising chickens at my mother’s house – he lives there, too – earlier this year. They are cooped up, but he lets them wander around while he is at work. I keep the grass cut – my mother and I both have rather large yards – so I was riding around and …
I Hate U
No. Not you. U. And I know nothing about Steven Singer. It’s the letter “U” I hate, Johnny Unitas, a truly great American, RIP, notwithstanding. I apologize to Johnny U. And uncles everywhere, of which I am one. Seven-Up, the Uncola. The Man from U.N.C.L.E. I don’t feel as guilty about the umbilical cord, Urban …
Lest the Brightness Fade …
It’s a world of opportunity. Unfortunately, it’s also a world of rationalization. I write best in the mornings. Most days I awaken brimming with ideas. Complications arise and slowly accumulate as the day makes its lonely way to sunset. By mid-afternoon, I’m bailing complications with a straw cowboy hat from a sinking rowboat. Also, time …
Loony Tunes
This morning I learned that a picaroon is a pirate. I already knew a macaroon was a small circular cake. A Cameroon lost to Mexico and Croatia in the World Cup. It’s June. There’s undoubtedly a moon in Rangoon. Daniel Boone was a man, what a big man. Nonetheless, occasionally he hunted raccoons. Beware goons …
Isn’t It Ironic?
I was in the kitchen when I heard Anthony Mason, on CBS This Morning, say a music group played “vibronic pop.” I thought, why isn’t it “vibratic”? I understand why it might be “symphonic.” But neither music nor anything else “vibrons.” It vibrates. The reason words often don’t make sense is that they are usually …
Those Fracking Cliches
“Let’s see if the Braves can exact some revenge on the Seattle Mariners.” I just heard Chip Caray say this. Seldom is anything “exacted” except revenge. Seldom is anything wreaked except havoc, and if havoc is in town (or, oh, on a page), it is invariably wreaked. Mothers are seldom sick without also being …
Ready … Set … Okay, Start Over
I just made a difficult decision. I passed up an opportunity to watch Captain Phillips. It won’t air again until Friday. You see, I don’t play the record/save/watch later game. I don’t watch Netflix, either. I know that seems silly, but I think there’s a place for retro, not to mention protecting me from myself. …
Two Kinds of Spam
Having a blog means having to delete all sorts of “spam” messages every day. Many of them are written by online opportunists who, given their amusing misuse of English, make it almost worthwhile, reading the fractured remarks. Some of them are mildly insulting, while, of course, generalized in a way that equally misfits thousands of …
Nightrider's Lament 