“Love your liver with Liverite Liver Aid.” I just saw that on TV, right after, “Carolina. Duke. The rivalry continues.” That’s a juxtaposition. It’s about as juxtaposed as it gets. Why would Liverite be placed right after a basketball promo? Was it a matter of some programmer just popping in – or whatever they do …
Category: Humor
Dishonesty Is the Best Policy
My sister was dying. She was in hospice care. I’d just finished visiting her. She had only a couple days left. My cheeks were red with tears as I walked through the lobby.* Someone, I don’t even remember who, waved and walked over, slapped me on the back and asked, “Hey, how you doing?” My …
Winnowing Out the Bad Words
Every writer makes a transition in which he goes from being bold and erratic to precise and accurate. I don’t mean facts. It’s the words, stupid. It used to be the economy back before it became a football to be tossed back and forth between political parties. Everyone has memories that cause shudders of regret. …
The Trouble with Taxes Is They Are So Taxing
Income taxes should be done by now. Necessity is the mother of completion (okay, okay, it’s really invention), and I’m going to get some righteous bucks back, and, God knows, I need them, but the motivation required to do taxes quickly and industriously is a virtue I lack. I chip away. One morning I go …
Continue reading The Trouble with Taxes Is They Are So Taxing
Consequences of a Crazy World
What if it is discovered, oh, in a decade or so, that the smartest people are the ones in prison because they aren’t allowed to use Twitter? What if the language changes, veering in the direction of mindless simplicity by means of the use of “u” instead of “you,” “2” instead of “to” or “too” …
At Least I’m Writing This
I might as well admit it. I’m in a bit of a slump. Or maybe it’s a rut. My wheels are spinning. Sand, perhaps. I’m lapping away. I have a picture of where my writing needs to go. It’s just in soft focus. I’m getting Monet when I need a stark, black and white photograph. …
Practical Rules of Writing
These are not practical tips in terms of serious. Lots of readers might be pissed because they clicked on this expecting something that really helps their writing. This is meant to be practically funny. Of course, whether it succeeds or not depends on the reaction of each reader. Some who are humorless will read this …
Useless What I Know
Some things I know. For instance, I know who framed Roger Rabbit. I know how to spell “Mississippi.” And “Ueberroth,” even after, lo, these many years. I don’t know how to spell “al-Qaeda” and “Qadhafi.” Neither does anyone else, though there are various and sundry opinions. My sad fate is to be a whiz at …
Cool When I’m Not
It just doesn’t matter. In so many ways. That, and nothing ever works. Nothing. Ever. Works. My optimism is sorely tested, as you may have gathered by the opening salvo of shibboleth. The level of bullshit daily assaulting my senses is oppressive. For instance, I just saw a clip of John Boehner say, “We’re really …
A Gray Sabbath
Last night the Grammys sucked so much that I actually watched a handful of plays in the Pro Bowl. Then I switched channels and closed my eyes until the sunspots from the uniforms disappeared. The Sanders Team vs. the Rice Team, huh? Who came up with that? As recently as two years ago, I enjoyed …
