Clinton, South Carolina, Saturday, February 4, 2017, 9:43 a.m. The weather has cooled, though it’s still a poor excuse for winter. I just got through playing “Facebook Friends” on my Pawless guitar. Earlier this morning, I wished a few of them – the Facebook friends, not Pawless guitars -- happy birthday. I had almost exactly …
Category: Sports
Tucked Safely Away
The Boston Red Sox are no more. The third game was the only one I saw. Games one and two occurred while I was writing about high school football games. Monday night was excruciating, as games tend to be when one’s favorite team is eliminated. On Tuesday, I watched the remaining baseball. The …
Various Absurdities of the Televised Sporting Life
Between episodes of an irreverent short story, I’ve decided today to write about sports in this space, rationalizing it on the basis that what will be written forthwith is fictitious and exaggerated. ORCHESTRAL INTRO “Live from Grand Canyon Arena in Teaneck, New Jersey, it’s the finals of the Rust Belt Conference Men’s Basketball Tournament, matching …
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That Old-Time Feeling Arises
For a long time, he hated the Indianapolis Colts. They were his when they were in Baltimore, and then an evil man, Robert Irsay, moved them away in moving vans. March 29, 1984. A Day That Will (Also) Live in Infamy. It was unthinkable, and, in response, he did the unthinkable. He started rooting for …
See Change
Autumn isn’t really based on dates on a calendar. My belief is that it has different lengths in different places. This isn’t original. People say they like where they live because “it has four seasons.” The best way to determine the beginning of fall is that wild onions start growing in my front yard. When …
Little Things
In the baseball season to date, my favorite moment occurred when the Red Sox’ Mookie Betts legged out an infield hit and took off for second base, like a kid in tee-ball who just runs and runs and runs until he’s either out or scores. Betts took off for second because he saw that no …
A Nice Way to Relax
Two rows below sat a man who once was my boss. Two seats to my right was a sportswriter I didn’t know who was familiar with me. “Excuse me. You’re not Monte Dutton, are you?” “Sadly, yes. Nice to meet you.” Next to me was an old friend, one I’ve known since college. It was …
Ready to Play
Sports fans often oversimplify matters when their clubs fare poorly. If it gets clobbered in a big match, the fans assume the players were out drinking all night, or they were all smoking pot in the locker room. Sometimes it even works in reverse. About thirty years ago, I was sitting behind two elderly gentlemen …
Soccer’s Many Virtues
I’ve been pondering the reasons why soccer is getting more popular in the United States and why, in the rest of the world, it’s so popular, it’s called football. I’m told that in some remote, third-world countries, fans start chanting “SEC! SEC! SEC!” and no one even knows why. Yet, inexplicably, vuvuzelas have not shown …
Golf Is Like (Privileged) Life
On the United States Open telecast, Sean McDonough just said that Jordan Spieth was “a revolution shy of a share of the lead,” and I thought, well, he’s in the same predicament as Castro in 1958. Then I heard another announcer say, “Once the ball has moved, you are deemed to have moved it,” and …
