By MONTE DUTTON

As is my habit, I voted. I like to do it the old-fashioned way, perhaps because I can’t remember ever standing in line. I like the poll workers. There’s time to chat.

I heard a guy say this on TV. The people who work at the polls are the best people on earth. They are the guardians of democracy.

(I know I’m going to get that “it isn’t a democracy, it’s a republic” blah-blah-blah. Okay, by the ancient Greek definition, there has never been a democracy. There has never been a republic. Or, moving up in political time, a communist state. They’d all be pretty cool if there was such a thing. There’s not. Aspirations. It’s about aspirations.)

The commercials could just about qualify as sitcoms. One candidate bragged about “fighting Biden election fraud.” In South Carolina?

Another can’t be bought but cheerfully buys. That’s what his ads say.

The five-term incumbent demands term limits. Imagine a term-limits proponent after he (or she) gets elected.

Practically all the Republican candidates promised to end the state income tax and lower the property tax. They’re also going to improve the schools and fix the roads. To echo Merle Haggard, “they’re drinking that free bubble-up and eating that rainbow stew.”

I don’t know much about the Democrats. Nor do most South Carolinians, I suspect. I watched them debate one another on SCETV. It was enough for me to choose a Democratic ballot. The Republicans all seem to be trying to out-Trump one another. Trump endorsed me. Yeah, but he loves me, too, and he hates my opponents.

I spent most of the day on the road, to Greenwood, then Laurens, then Simpsonville, where it pissed me off when I drove past a gas station that was 20 cents cheaper that what I’d paid to fill up in Laurens. Back in Clinton, the same chain was 50 cents higher. I still drew some satisfaction until I realized it was a dollar cheaper last year.

Iran’s a war, not a war. It couldn’t be a war because the peace president started it. It’s just an excursion, or an incursion, or an experiment, or a picnic. A cease-fire doesn’t require that anyone ceases fire.

I hear folks say haters gonna hate. They say I’ve got Trump Derangement Syndrome. I think they’ve got it. One thing I’m not is a RINO. I’m not a Republican in any name, but I admire principled Republicans. I just don’t think there’s been one since Barry Goldwater. They’re all RITOs (Republicans in Trump Only) now.

Trumpers Gonna Trump. No amount of scandal is going to dissuade them. They simply don’t care.

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It means a lot to me that you enjoy what I write. Or that you don’t. I just want you to read it.

Most of my books are available at Amazon. Two of my novels, Cowboys Come Home and Lightning in a Bottle, are available in audio versions.