By MONTE DUTTON

My first task in watching the World Cup on TV is to determine which team is which. The uniforms often have little to do with the colors on a country’s flag.

It helps to read the names on the backs of the jerseys. The team wearing white uniforms with red trim figured to be Canada. It was not. Our neighbors to the north were wearing black uniforms. The tipoff was that the names on the back were like Afif and Yusuf for Qatar and Buchanan and Lavin for Canada. Also, at least one Canuck had red hair, and that’s got to be tough in Qatar.

One difference between world football and American football is that players in the former are extraordinarily adept at grimacing. In fairness, grimaces are probably harder to detect in players wearing helmets. A grimace is usually accompanied by tears streaming down the cheeks and both arms wrapped around one leg. If there is no call, the player gets up off the ground and takes off like a gazelle again.

The worst grimacers in the World Cup are the Germans. That’s why I always think they’re going to win.

A drama professor once told me the greatest actors in the United States were professional wrestlers.

World football – i.e., futbol or soccer – deserves some Oscar nominations, or Espys at the very least.

Canada drubbed Qatar. Good thing it wasn’t Iran. The Strait of Hormuz might have closed again.

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Most of my books are available at Amazon. Two of my novels, Cowboys Come Home and Lightning in a Bottle, are available in audio versions.